In order to understand how marriage was set up under the rules of Yahuwah, you must read and study scripture. That is a requirement for those who desire to be His children anyway, and as you read you will learn much that you never even suspected about life and your place in it. If you are not in the body then there will be much that you will not understand. In order to truly be guided by the Sacred Spirit you must be in the body of haMashiach (the Anointed or Christ) in accordance with scripture. Then scripture will become very clear to you as you read and study for He will open your understanding as you need it to be opened. He will not allow you to see everything at once, as that would probably overwhelm you, but will open it up little by little as you are able to assimilate it. But your understanding WILL be opened and you will know it. You will be amazed at the things you learn and see about this world, the world to come, and how you fit into the scheme of things.
The first mention of the state of marriage in scripture is found in B’ereshiyth (Genesis).
B’ereshiyth (Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.
Take note that this event occurred at the creation of mankind (Adam) and the tenets of this condition have never changed. Marriage in the eyes of Yahuwah is always between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN. The abomination of homosexuality was directly and specifically outlawed later on. It is considered abominational in the sight of Yahuwah and is punishable by death (physically on the earth and spiritually cast into outer darkness). Also polygamy was not allowed, but Yahuwah "winked" at the practice until the times of refreshing in which we are living today. Under the new law, which we are bound to today, it is ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN, period.
No extramarital affairs allowed either. Adultery and fornication are also abominations in the sight of Yahuwah and will cause those who participate in such to be cast into outer darkness along with murderers, homosexuals, and others of that sort. That is a terrible fate for just a few moments pleasure.
During the period of the old law there were many conditions that married people had to observe with the major one being fidelity to the partner. There are too many passages on this subject to go into detail but if you will read scripture you will see them and most likely understand what was going on.
Many of these passages speak of infidelity and the physical penalties for engaging in it. Those penalties are always very painful and even sometimes fatal, and that was just on this earth. The penalty in the spiritual realm is much worse, in that it is separation from Yahuwah for all eternity. I cannot imagine a worse state to be in.
Divorce Not Allowed, except under certain circumstances:
Also rape is covered in that if the female was a single girl the man had to marry her and could never divorce her. If she was married then the rules changed. If she was in the city and screamed when the attempt was made, the man would be executed. If she did not scream then both of then would be executed, as she would be considered a willing partner in adultery. If she was in the fields the man would be executed regardless of whether or not she screamed, as the assumption is made that even had she "cried out" that nobody would have heard her. The bottom line is that the rapist of a married woman was condemned to death on this earth and separation from Yahuwah in the spiritual realm.
In the new law the same rules apply about infidelity. It is an abomination and will not be tolerated by Yahuwah. The same thing goes for pedophilia and homosexuality.
The woman has always been considered to be the "weaker vessel" and therefore subservient to her husband, but that did not mean that he could take advantage of the situation. If a man truly loves his wife (as it should be or they should not marry) then he will never do anything to hurt her, physically or emotionally (see passage below).
Love Makes the Marriage Work:
Ephesios (Ephesians) 5:15-31 ¶ See then that you walk carefully, not as unwise but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are wicked. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Master is. 18 And do not make drunken with wine, in which is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, playing music with stringed instruments and singing in your heart to the Master, 20 giving thanks always for all things to Yahuwah the Father in the name of our Master, Yahushua the Anointed, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of Yahuwah. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Master. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also the Anointed is head of the assembly, and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the assembly is subject to the Anointed, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as the Anointed also loved the assembly and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the bathing in water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a magnificent assembly, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be sacred and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Master the assembly, 30 for we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh."
Marriage is a two way street
Both parties have to be willing to be in obedience to the words and will of Yahuwah. Marriage between a man and a woman is a "picture" of our relationship with Yahuwah through Yahushua and we therefore must treat it as a sacred condition.
Ephesios 5:32-33 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning the Anointed and the assembly. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she venerates of her husband.
Here is the general state of marriage that Yahuwah expects between a man and a woman when at least one of them is in the body of haMashiach (Yahushua). Take note that nowhere in scripture is there any other state called marriage except that state which exists between a man and a woman.
1 Korinthios (Corinthians) 7:10-15 Now to the married I command, not I but Yahuwah, a wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the remainder I, not Yahuwah, say, if any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are sacred. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, but Yahuwah has called us to peace.
If you do not want to divorce the unfaithful or unbelieving spouse then you are not required to do so. However if the other partner has committed adultery they have defiled both you and your marriage by their pernicious ways of evil and sexual philandering. You are not bound to continue in that relationship under those circumstances.
MattitYahuw (Matthew) 5:31-32 ¶ Moreover it has been said, 'Whoever whatsoever releases his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 Yet I say to you that whoever whatsoever releases his wife for any reason except fornication, makes her to commit adultery. And if whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
I will say that this statement by Yahushua can be applied to the woman as well as to the man.
If your spouse is physically or emotionally abusing you then they should not living in the same house with you. If you have children they will grow up believing that abusing their spouse is part of the natural order of things and will also be abusers. You do NOT have to tolerate abuse in any form. If this is the case, I highly recommend that you find someplace else to live and do so immediately. Check out the local abused spouse programs for help in this situation. Believe it or not, abuse of the husband by the wife is finally being seen as a real problem too and there are a few programs to help the man deal with it just as there are many programs for women in the same situation.
It is best that both man and woman are in the body for the best possible marriage, but that seldom happens (I am one of the blessed few in that state.). So you must choose your spouse very carefully, and preferably from among those in the body (of course you should be in the body as well).